Want to love but can't
by SakuraHiraHira
Summary: one-shot...Natsume feelings to Mikan...


A/N:- Yippie!!!!!! This is my first Fic on Gakuen Alice. So please read it and tell me what you think about it okay. And by the way the song that I been used in this Fic entitled Aisenai Aishitai which mean Can't love Wanna Love by DBSK(Dong Bang Shin Ki) it is really great song… I love it the first time I heard it… so why don't you find the song and heard it why reading this.

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Disclaimer:- I will never ever own Gakuen Alice. I swear…. But I might reconsider it another 5 years wink

Want to love but can't.

You know, I can't stop falling in love with you.  
I'm losing my control  
But I'm afraid of losing my best friend

"N-A-T-S-U-M-E, what are you doing?" Came a voice from the under the Sakura tree. The so called Kuroneko who was sleeping just now woke up instantly at the sound of her voice. His red eyes fixated on the pigtail girl who was smiling up to him.

"What do you want little girl?" Natsume asked, boredly, his face void of any emotion although his heart hammering with certain kind of feeling.

"Mou, I'm not a little girl." Mikan Sakura stomped around before kicking out the tree. Natsume nearly fall due to the impact.

"Yeah you sure not small anymore but you are definitely a kajiuu." Natsume said starting to get down the tree.

"What????" Mikan said angrily before smiling sweetly back at him. Natsume aching at her blissful smile. Suddenly he had this urge to hold her closer on his embraced.

"umi ga mitai" nante tsubuyaki boku no yuuki wo  
tameshiteiruno?

shisen hazushi coffee nomihosu kikoenai furi wa  
dekiteru kana

_When you tell me that you want to see the ocean  
Are you testing my courage?_

_As I drink my coffee, I avoid eye contact  
I'm doing the right thing, pretending to ignore you_

"Ne Natsume, are you going to join our group for the party celebration? Mikan asked after a moment of silent. Natsume pretend to ignore her. His eyes fix on the manga that he just bought yesterday.

"Natsume do you hear me or not?" Mikan angrily, before snatching the manga from him. Natsume just watch her intently as she fuming over it. Then he thinks about his sudden action. He then realized that he loved to pretend to ignore her so that she wills always chasing him around. It was like some kind of game to get her attention towards him. If she stops pestering him, he will never know what will have become of him. She was like a light in his dark life. However by doing this he was like betraying someone trusts on him.

'Even though I don't do that, she will pester around me, nothing will happen on this relationship." Natsume try to reason his guilt. As Natsume battled with himself, Mikan tugged is Uniform to get his attention. Natsume look at her and shocked at their closeness. However Mikan didn't look affected by it.

moshimo sonna koto shittanara  
aitsu wa kimi to boku ichido ni ushinau kara

_If somehow you knew about my act  
Then he will lose both of us_

"Natsume, I was wondering do you still rem-" before Mikan could finish her sentence, a voice came from behind her.

"Mikan-Chan, what are you doing? We are already late for the committee discussion," the blonde snaked his hand into her waist before pulling her closer to his body.

"Ruka-Pyon, I was trying to persuade Natsume to come with us, but he did not want," Mikan pouted before smiling back at him as he planted a kiss on her cheek. A flash of sadness could be seen on Natsume fiery eyes before it disappear a second later. Without wanting to stay any longer with the lovey-dovey couple, Natsume stand and began to face the other direction.

"Sorry, I have some works to do," Natsume said gruffly, his hand on his pocket as he walk slowly to his dorm. Mikan watches helplessly as he began to disappear.

aisenai kimi dakedo boku wa made yume miteru  
tokeru youna K-I-S-S kimi ni abisetai  
aishitai kono omoi wa afureteku  
aishichaikenai You're my best friend's girlfriend

_You're a person that I can't love, but I still dream_

_I want to lay a playful K-I-S-S on you_

_My desire to love you overflows_

_But I can't love you; you're my best friend's girlfriend_

As long as Natsume remember, he had been in love with her since their elementary school and now they are already in high school and still he didn't have a nerve to tell her so. Natsume sighed at his cowardice attitude. And now, with Mikan-Ruka relationship, he didn't want to complicate things between the three of them anymore. He might as well give up and try to forget her, but he can't. Instead of walking to his room, Natsume decided to go to the wood for a moment of tranquility. He walked slowly as his mind straying to the past.

toki ni ai wa mugoi mono dane deau hayasa made  
kimeteshimau

boku ga kimi no sono te wo totte  
ubaisatta toshitemo nanika wo ushinau darou

_Love is too harsh  
It decides for when we meet on its own To hold your hand_

_I have to leave with it  
And lose something else_

He still remember the day Ruka propose Mikan to be his girlfriend. He was there, too anxiously to move. He was dreaded that moment will come. He had known long that Ruka had feeling for her and Ruka even asked him if it is okay if he wants to be with Mikan. He did not only said that he didn't have feeling for her at all, he even push Ruka to propose to her.

"Natsume you are a fool." He mumbled. Now watching Mikan and Ruka hovering each other, make his heart ache more and more everyday.

aisenai kimi dakara kokoro dake daitetai  
honnou K-I-C-K kimi ni se wo mukeru  
aishitai kono honoo wa kisenai yo  
aishichaikenai You're my best friend's girlfriend

_You, who I can't love, My heart goes out to you_

_Instinctively I K-I-C-K and turn away from you_

_I can't put out this passionate desire to love_

_But I can't love you; you're my best friend's girlfriend_

After wondering for a while, Natsume arrives at his room at dusk. He entered it and realized how cold his room is. He walked to his bedroom before plopped down into his king-sized bed. Being a special star gives him privileged but none could compare to the battles in his mind. Nothing could help him to forget her. Nothing….

"Mikan," he said softly. Longing to said her name out loud, longing to touch her skin, longing to hold her close, longing to smell her intoxicating smell, longing about everything about her. Natsume get up and rummaged his hair. He cursed, frustrated to himself.

Natsume walked to his dresser before pulling out one of the drawer. He took out a book and flipped through the pages until he found a picture in it. A picture of smiling Mikan with her hand draped on his stiff shoulder. This picture was taken about 5 years ago when they were going outing at central town and he treasured it very much. This is the only things that valuable to him. Even his life is not worth as her. He brought the picture with him as he changed into his pajama and sat on his bed, staring at it.

dono michi wo yukeba goal made daremo kizutsukezu ni  
tadoritsukeru?  
(How can I make it?)

_Which path to my goal do I have to take  
To keep from hurting anyone?_

Natsume hold the picture into his heart, before closing his eyes. He hopes that he will meet her in his dream. Even if there are not together in real life but secretly he knows that they are meant to be. But for now he has to endure this entire ache first. He just has to wait patiently for the moment to come. Natsume breathes heavily before pulling the comforter to his shoulder.

aisenai kimi dakedo boku wa mada shinjiteru  
itsuno hi ka L-O-V-E kimi ni tsutaetai  
aishitai kono omoi wa tomaranai  
aishichaikenai You're my best friend's girlfriend

_I can't love you, but I still have hope_

_I always want to send you L-O-V-E_

_I can't stop this desire to love_

_But I can't love you; you're my best friend's girlfriend_

"Mikan, sweet dream," he said softly before lulling into dreamland.

_  
_aisenai...  
Can't stop my love  
Can't stop my love  
Can't wait no longer  
Can't stop my love

aishitai...  
Can't stop my love  
Can't stop my love  
Can't stop my love

aisenai...  
Can't stop my love  
Can't stop my love  
Can't wait no longer  
Can't stop my love

aishitai...  
Can't stop my love  
Can't stop my love  
Can't stop my love

Somewhere,

"Natsume," a certain brunette said, gazing into the full moon from her room, looking sad and blissful at the same time.

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A/N How it is???????? Please review….. arigatou…… 


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